Editor’s Pick | Suicide Before Suicide by Akelaahwrites

If you’re reading this, then obviously I’m dead and probably buried. I know deep down you’re all cussing me, ranting on about how I could have taken the easy way out.
Yeah I remember when I used to preach that those who commit suicide are weak and wicked, causing others pain with their deliberate absence. 
Well I’m not going to retract that or try to defend myself and my action. I’ll just lead you down my path to death or suicide if I must add.
Yes I was kind of a popular kid, I had so many friends , I could laugh on and on like a kookaburra and I could make jokes like a stand up comedian. I had no wrinkles on my face to denote an unhappy person. Well I was living a lie, revealing a facade, I was an angelic face with a disturbed mind.
I’m not going to blame my friends but I believe they should have suspected. They should have seen through my strong demeanor, my ever happy persona, cause deep inside I was a patched shell waiting to be broken to shreds.. Yes I know that’s different from the me you know. The me who couldn’t see anyone cry or frown. The me who tried to make everything right. The me who was always there for others..
 I just couldn’t let anyone face what I was going through.
You all may argue that you asked me during those rare times that my true self showed and I’d always say ‘nothing’. Or that you’d tickle  me and try to make me smile, yes those were my momentary havens before my demons came visiting afterwards with more legions. You should have seen beyond my ‘nothing’. ‘Nothing’, a word to me that held a million Pound of despair, anguish and pain.
But now I really can’t blame you, if my family couldn’t see through my veil obviously you all couldn’t. My lovely family: mum, dad, sis; were also blinded to my true self.
I guess I should quit ranting and get to the juicy part; why I committed suicide.
As a young child of 7 I was raped, beaten and tortured. This went on for years until I was unknowingly uprooted from the place by my parents. Yes mummy those cuts weren’t from injuries or my clumpsy self. 
 In school I was also a failure, having unapplaudable results. Adorning my body with more marks became my hobby. Though through all this I never let it show on my face, my self acclaimed heaven high firewall was intact or maybe it was an anthill’s defense.
My suicide was not a spur of the moment decision. It was well calculated and devised. I  spent 8 months researching on suicide, watching TV shows on the human anatomy; any and everything that would aid my exit. I didn’t want it easy, nothing lackluster I’d continually tell myself, overdosing on pills or hanging myself or even slitting my wrist seemed stupid. My exit wasn’t going to be just another suicide , at least I must do this well.
After learning all I could on suicide I began working out my exit, I wanted it to be as gracious as it could be; mind you gracious to me meant gory. Anyone who’d seen my body would applaud me, it was a sight to behold, a marvelous wonder.
I wouldn’t want anyone to weep for me or feel sad, I’m sure  I’m in a better place. I won’t finish without mentioning those who made me survive this long. My family and friends who I would write in initials, goodluck decoding. S- teacher op, B- MBBS, G- mbf , S -mfl, O- mgf , T- mlp , A – mobf, J, D, OV, ON, AK, GI…I have to stop here remembering your names makes me tearyeyed, u can’t ruin my perfect sight.
I didn’t mean for this note to be this long and for that I apologize and Incase you find grammatical errors just note that it is a suicide note And you do not expect it to be eloquent or you could take them as a joke, my final joke, and smile or laugh.
 Your dear Excel.

2 thoughts on “Editor’s Pick | Suicide Before Suicide by Akelaahwrites

  1. Wow!
    That's some real shiit like i said earlier, definitely a real one, before i got to the middle of the write-up, I knew it was rape

    You feel me?

    You know, mostly girls are connected to this shiit, and it happens a lot lord!
    This freak made some researches on suicide, godamn it!
    I think I love that over dosing and hanging system more than wrist sliting

    I fucking hate the sight of blood

    It all comes down to family, parent needs to be up to date on children matters,

    In quote "My family couldn't see right through my veil"

    Too bad!

    #Everyone needs to be loved

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